2 posts tagged “wth”
Someone called me this morning at 7:12--yes, 7:12--to order a custom holster for his Sig Sauer.
Who in Hades orders custom holsters at barely-past-seven-AM? (According to the area code, he called from San Antonio, so it isn't a though there was a time difference.)
I will say that he was quite polite when I explained that I have not nor do I ever expect to design custom holsters for handguns.
Apparently he was one digit off when dialing. Faaaaantastic. I have a number that is one digit off from a guy who makes holsters? Seriously? Only in Texas.
Dear Sir,
It is a remarkable feature of exquisite incompetence that the person wielding it balances it so thoroughly with the unshakable belief that he is infallible.
I repeatedly--not once, twice, or even three times, but at least five times--told you that my problem today was the fact that following a misstep several days ago I have had knee weakness, slight swelling, and a kneecap that is considerably more mobile than it ought to be. (Hint: I should not be able to move it around with a fingertip while standing.) You would not even look at it while I stood, despite the fact that I remarked on at least two occasions that this phenomena does not occur when I sit, as I was doing when you examined me. Your response to my complaints of weakness--again, not once, twice, or even three times, but five times--was to offer me prescription painkillers. When I pointed out that I wasn't in any pain unless I put weight on the knee while flexing it, and that the anti-inflammatory over-the-counter meds took care of any pain, you told me not to wear a knee brace (which, you know, SUPPORTS THE KNEE) while at work because you "had an elderly diabetic patient who wore one and got a blood clot"--and offered me prescription painkillers again. When I mentioned that I had iced the knee on and off (twenty on, an hour off), you looked worried and proclaimed that I had "probably not done any damage YET" but that I should stop that. When I told you that I had tried to stay off of it and elevate it as much as possible, you said that that wouldn't have any positive effect.
It is common to make small talk with a patient prior to the nitty-gritty of an exam. All well and good. I told you that I'm majoring in music. You told me that eventually I'd have to go back for a "real" degree. You knew this because your niece majored in music, and then went back to get a degree that would get her admitted to medical school. You finished the exam by observing that if I have "bad knees," I should not work in retail. Yet it took three requests to get you to write a note stating that I need to wear supportive shoes for the next couple of weeks. The connection between supportive shoes and a possible improvement in knee issues seemed to bypass you altogether.
By the time I left the office, there was a small part of my brain that actually hoped I had something seriously wrong with my knee so that I could have the indescribable pleasure of suing you for malpractice and funneling the money I received to build a medical clinic for those who work but cannot afford insane insurance premiums and deductibles.
There was another part of my brain making a note that if I ever collapse and need CPR, I must remain conscious to prevent you from attempting resuscitative efforts.
With luck, a patient will get your license revoked before you kill or maim someone because, sir, if you are so utterly unfamiliar with basic physiology as to claim that ice, rest and elevation are actually bad or ineffective ideas when dealing with a muscle injury, then you've no business being licensed as a nurse's aid, much less a physician.
Go leap off the roof, whydon'tcha? But when you land, fear not: I won't ice or elevate your injured limbs! In fact, I won't even look at you. I'll just tell the medics to give you some painkillers and leave it at that.
